Wellness always seems to be working at answering one critical
question: Why don't people do what they know they need to do for
themselves? Providing people with good information about physical fitness,
stress management, nutrition, etc., is important, but insufficient. It is not
a matter of lacking information. With the amount of media attention given to
health and well-being, it is hard to believe that most people don't already
know more than enough to live very well lives. Articles on cholesterol,
healthy relationships, exercise and smoking cessation abound. Where is the
motivation to change, and what is blocking it?
Whether we are looking at our individual health or wellness programming for
a small or large organization, there seem to be certain factors that have
emerged from the last twenty years or so, that the wellness movement could
call itself a field of study. Let me share some informal suggestions or tenets
that, after eighteen years in the "wellness biz," it all comes down to for me.
1. Wellness is a holistic concept. Anything short of that is
incomplete and ultimately ineffective. We need to look at the whole person and
program for the mind, body, spirit, and environment. Just picking the
dimension of wellness that you like and minimizing the others doesn't work in
the long run.
* Imagine each dimension of wellness in your life like a spoke on a
wheel. Draw a picture of your wellness wheel, extending your physical fitness
spoke, your spiritual development spoke, nutrition spoke, etc. out as far as
you feel you have developed it, and practice what you preach. Do you have a
wheel that rolls reasonably well? Where do you need to put your energy into
learning more and practicing more?
2. Self-esteem is the critical factor in change. Wellness is caring
enough about yourself to take stock of your life, make the necessary changes
and find the support to maintain your motivation. Heal the wounds. Find what
is holding you back from feeling good about yourself and work through the
blocks, not around them.
As Gerry Jampolsky says, everything we do comes either from love or from
fear. Where do your wellness lifestyle efforts come from? For many of us,
change requires the hard, roll up the sleeves, work of facing our fears and
healing old wounds from our experience growing up in our families of origin
and our peer group and community. Positive affirmations, or self-statements,
are excellent, but need to be coupled with this type of life-long
self-reflective work.
* Identify one negative message you frequently say to yourself ("You're
so stupid!" "You'll never amount to anything.", etc.). Relax for a minute or
two with your eyes closed. Think of the negative message, and say out loud in
a shout "Who says?" Notice who flashes into your mind, a parent,
teacher, one-time peer? See with whom you have some unfinished business to
deal with.
3. Who we surround ourselves with either helps us stretch our wings
and soar, or clips them again and again. Positive peer health norms
encourage wellness lifestyle changes. Mutually beneficial relationships with
friends, lovers, family and colleagues who care about us as people are what we
need to seek and create in our lives. Rather than being threatened by our
personal growth, they support it. Do your friends (partners, etc.) bring our
your OK or NOT OK feelings? Giving and receiving strokes are what it's all
about. Friends keep friends well.
* List who has joined your inner circle of supportive friends in the
last ten years. Give thanks, or grieve and get busy making new friends!
4. Break out of the trance! Conscious living means becoming
aware of all the choices we have and acting on them. It involves a realization
that we don't have to run our lives on automatic pilot. We can turn off the
television (remember TV stands for "time vacuum"), read labels, turn off the
lawn sprinklers when we have enough rain, notice how our food tastes, notice
how tense and contracted we are when we drive fifteen mph over the speed
limit, etc. It means consciously working on our relationships, life goals, and
maximizing our potential.
* For three work-days in a row minimize your attachment to the world of
the media. No radio, television, internet, newspaper, or magazines. See what
you become aware of about yourself and the world around you.
5. A sense of connectedness to other people, other species, the
earth and the "something greater", grounds us in our lives. We are all of one
heart. Much of this sense can come out of the land we live on. By identifying
with where we live and getting to know the plants, animals, weather patterns,
water sources and the landscape itself, we develop not only a love for it, but
feel that love returned. Through our commitment to our place on earth
we value and protect our environment by the way we live our lives, and by how
we speak at the ballot box. Through our contact with the natural world we
experience a solid sense of belonging, peace and harmony.
Theologian Matthew Fox likes to say that we can relate to the earth in any
of three ways. We can exploit it, recreate on it, or we can be in awe of it. I
believe it is within a sense of awe that our potential for growth and
healing is multiplied. From such a state of wonder it is easy to see all
other species as relatives. The Lakota like to close every prayer with "Mitakaue
Oyasin" - "For all my relations."
* Spend twenty minutes in a "natural" area just listening to every sound
you hear. Locate it's origin. Identify patterns. Try it with your eyes closed
part of the time. Cup your hands behind your ears and try it. Note your
awarenesses.
6. We are primarily responsible for our health. There are the risk
factors of genetics, toxic environments and the like, but our emotional and
lifestyle choices determine our health and well-being more than anything else.
As much as we'd like to cling to blame and copouts, we do have to be honest
with ourselves. The flip side is the empowerment that this realization gives
us.
One path out of passivity and illness is to realize what you can do to
boost your immune system. Stress and fatigue and poor diet have a
tremendous influence on our body's ability to resist illness and disease. Most
people report excessive stress and chronic sleep deprivation.
*To take charge of your own health and boost your immune system, follow
the usual wellness advice and live a well-balanced healthy lifestyle but, more
specifically, experiment with getting more rest, and practicing some
established form of relaxation training.
7. From increased self-sufficiency comes the confidence and
power that overshadows fear. The Australian aboriginal people say that when a
person cannot walk out onto the land and feed, clothe and shelter themselves
adequately, a deep, primal fear grips their soul. Recognizing our
interconnectedness, we grow tremendously when we can care for ourselves on
many different levels. Skills, information and tools that enable us to: choose
our food wisely (or even grow it ourselves); become more competent at our
career; adjust the shifter on our bicycle; take a hike into a wilderness area;
bake bread from scratch; etc., all increase our self-respect and
self-confidence. We need to learn these skills and teach them to others,
especially our children.
*Identify some skill you want to learn that would make your life easier,
more economical, fun, etc. if you possessed that skill (baking, something
mechanical, an outdoors skill) Locate a person who you can learn that skill
from and arrange an exchange of knowledge, skill, time, or some other way to
barter a reciprocal arrangement you both like.
8. As much as we all need time with others, we all need time apart.
Solo time, especially in the natural world, helps us relax,
de-contract, and get beyond the distractions of modern life that
prevent us from really knowing ourselves. There are some powerful reasons that
peoples from all around the world have spent time alone (usually in a
wilderness setting) in order to gain vision about the direction and meaning in
their lives.
* Find a partner that shares your desire to spend one full day in "solo
time". Locate a near-by natural area that you both feel safe in and would
enjoy spending the day there. Pick a day with a relatively good weather
forecast. Take a whistle with you, appropriate clothing, rain-gear, etc. Bring
water, but no food unless you have a special dietary consideration. Do not
bring anything to read, or anything to write with. When you arrive at the area
you should both select a small area (ten to fifteen yards in diameter max.)
where you would like to spend 5-8 hrs. alone. Your site should be close enough
for your partner to hear your whistle easily, but far enough away that you can
have complete privacy. Taking opposite sides of the same hilltop ridge works
very well for this. Reunite at a prearranged time. Spend your time in
contemplation and awareness of everything around you. This is a journey into
inner and outer nature. Reflect and write about your experience afterwards if
you like.
The goal here is not endurance. Bail out if you have a nasty change in
weather, feel ill, etc. You can always reschedule. Though not physically
demanding, you need to be your own judge, or seek your physician's advice, if
you have any health concerns around this process of solo time.
9. You don't have to be perfect to be well. Extreme perfectionism is
a shame-based process that feeds a really negative view of ourselves.
Workaholism, anorexia, and other addictive behaviors can result. Wellness does
not mean swearing off hot-fudge sundaes. It just means not "b.s.-ing" yourself
about when you last had one! Whenever our "healthy habits" move from being
positive addictions to being compulsive behavior that works against us, we're
usually the last ones to know. Lots of times extreme behavior is a way to
distract yourself from some other issue that needs your attention.
*Get a gauge on your diet, exercise, etc. Read several sources and see
what the experts recommend. Check your program out with a qualified local
resource such as a nutritionist, exercise specialist, etc.
10. Play! We all need to lighten up and not take ourselves (and
wellness) so seriously. Remember the lessons of the coyote and be playful,
even ornery in a non-malicious way. Let the child within out to play. Give
yourself permission to.
The "work hard, play hard" philosophy does little to help us maintain the
balance needed for a healthy life. Psychophysiology works twenty four hours a
day, every day (not just on weekends). Integrate a healthy sense of humor and
play into the workplace. Make sure your yang equals your yin!
*List several of your favorite "play" activities, that you either do, or
did at one time in your life. Now, note when you last engaged in each of these
activities. Celebrate, or contemplate what you've (temporarily) let go of in
your life. Have fun reclaiming it!
Even with these tenets there is no concrete wellness formula. You have to
discover what works for you. Take them not as rules, but as modern folklore
gathered by one who has walked the wellness way for a few years.